The Other Older Brother, Karna

Check the theme here: Pandava Mahaprasthana

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Yudhistira patted the dog beside him; it licked his hand in return. He chuckled and gave it a good rub between the ears. He was glad Arjuna, Nakula, and Draupadi went to explore Anga for a spot for them to shift. Being alone gave him time to think about his other brother, Karna.

The Pandavas planned to spend a few years in the kingdom. Yudhistira looked forward to interacting with the ascetics and Brahmins to discuss the Vedas and Shastras. His brothers were already popular and often had requests for treating the animals or training young men.

Draupadi preferred to spend her time alone, meditating or walking in the forest. “I prefer solitude these days. I’ve interacted enough with people over the years, and I don’t miss them.”

Yudhistira understood her point. She had to deal with a lot since her marriage to them. Even in exile, Draupadi’s beauty made her a target for the unsavory men and rakshasas. Despite being close to eighty, she was as beautiful as ever. The travelers they met en route often stared at her before realizing it was rude. Draupadi was used to it. However, she had the right to privacy, and she would have it at least now.

Much as he preferred to forgive and forget the past, Yudhistira couldn’t unsee the anguish and anger on Draupadi’s face all those years ago in the Kuru sabha. He could still see the gleams of lust in his cousins’ eyes as they used the opportunity to demean her.

“Why don’t you name Karna among those monsters?” Draupadi asked, silent anger flashing in her eyes, the last time they discussed the past events. “Just because he is your elder brother doesn’t change the truth. He was no better than Duryodhana.”

Of course, his brothers agreed. Deep in his heart, Yudhistira agreed, too. However, he couldn’t help but think how their lives would have been if Maa Kunti had mentioned her firstborn when their father asked her to have children through niyoga. According to the scriptures, a man’s wife’s children were his, even if they were born to another man. Their father would have accepted Karna. It would have removed the weight of responsibilities from his shoulders!

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The first time Yudhistira knew about Karna’s birth was after the war, when they were conducting the last rites of the dead warriors.

“Yudhi, my son! You should perform the rites for Karna.” Kunti said, her voice filled with agony, tears streaming down her weathered face.

He was stunned at the request. It made no sense. “Why, Maa? He has his parents and children for it. He is not our relation!”

Kunti shook her head, sobs wracking her body. She was no longer the sturdy woman from his childhood. Age and the burdens of life shrunk her into half of what she was. “No, Yudhi. We are related… Karna… he is my son… my firstborn.”

Yudhistira felt as if the earth had shattered under his feet. He couldn’t believe his ears. Was she joking? How could Karna be her first child? That was him, wasn’t it? Even before he could walk, his parents had drilled into him to be the epitome of dharma, be responsible for his future brothers, and prove himself worthy to take the throne one day.

“What do you mean?” He whispered, choking on the words.

“Karna… I had him as a teenager, a silly girl who was too curious to know when to stop. I didn’t know what to do… After I gave birth, I put him in a basket and drifted it into the river.” She explained between sobs. Gripping his hands in hers, Kunti finally looked Yudhistira in the eyes. “Please, my son. I was afraid to do the right thing until now. He is your older brother.”

The words older brother swirled around him. Yudhistira felt suffocated by confusion, grief, anger, and regret. How dare his mother stay silent all these years and drop the news on him when he was already at his lowest point? Wasn’t it enough that he and his brothers had to perform the last rites of their young sons who had no right to die so soon?

Yudhistira didn’t notice as he slid to the stony steps leading to the River Ganga. He held his head between his hands as tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Elder brother! What happened?” Sahadeva came rushing. The other three and Draupadi followed him.

“What is it, Maa? What’s going on?” Draupadi asked as she wrapped an arm around Yudhistira’s waist and rubbed his back with the other. He sobbed into her shoulder.

Kunti revealed her secret again, and everything fell silent. Yudhistira raised his head to see they were as stunned as he was. Why wouldn’t they be? None of them knew the truth.

“O Maa! How could you bear this burden alone for so long?” Draupadi broke the silence as she moved to hug Kunti and held her to her bosom.

Krishna came and placed an arm on Yudhistira’s shoulder. “Pull yourself together, cousin. Prioritize. Finish the last rites first. We can talk later.”

They nodded and stood, walking in a daze toward the river. Krishna whispered something to Vyasa, their great-grandfather, who nodded. Soon, Karna’s wives and cousins came to stand near them.

The silence continued, except for the chants by the Brahmins as Yudhistira released the ashes into the Ganga and prayed for forgiveness. His mind was still in turmoil as he followed the instructions.

Later, the families of other dead warriors left. Only the Kurus remained on the riverbank, with Krishna and Vyasa Muni. By then, Yudhistira had calmed enough to decide. He wouldn’t accept the throne or become a king. He would give it to his brothers or anyone who wanted to rule. All his life, he was told to follow dharma. Now, he committed adharma by killing his own brother! How would his aatma remain spotless? He would have to cleanse himself to get back on the path of dharma. Accepting the throne would taint him further.

“I cannot… will not become the king of Hastinapura,” Yudhistira announced when Vyasa informed him about the coronation.

Everyone was stunned. They spoke at once, stopped, and looked at each other before turning to Krishna.

“What is this, Yudhistira?” Krishna asked.

“I can’t do it! So many warriors have died… and Karna, he was my older brother. If I had known, I would have happily lived in the forest forever.” He replied.

Bhima snorted. “Elder brother, do you think Duryodhana would have let Karna rule Indraprastha or Hastinapura?”

“At least he would have been alive!”

Krishna shook his head. “He had a chance and opted out. I told him about his birth and invited him to our side. Since I know you, I promised he would be the king if he accepted his birth identity. Karna still chose Duryodhana. It was his choice. We can’t take the blame for his decisions.”

Arjuna added. “Of course, we can’t! Every single time in the past, Karna chose himself. When we first met in Dronacharya’s camp, I tried to befriend him. He was my senior by a decade and a half, and I hoped to learn from him. But what did Karna do? He sided with Duryodhana in mocking and attacking Bhima. He fought with acharya because he considered himself the best archer.”

“Did you forget Karna was involved in poisoning me? That time, when you and Maa spent a frantic week trying to find out if I was alive?” Bhima asked.

“What about Draupadi? Karna called her a harlot and said she deserved to be stripped in public. He told Duryodhana that Draupadi was a slave who should sit on his thigh.” Sahadeva was furious.

Nakula added. “During the war, Bhima defeated Karna over twenty times. But when Karna got the upper hand just once, he mocked our brother and called him a eunuch for not having a mustache. A mustache, of all things! And Abhi… Abhimanyu got killed because Karna broke his bow from behind, unable to defeat the young boy face to face.”

With every reminder of Karna’s past actions, Yudhistira’s heart twisted more. He remembered them all. However, how could he tell them that having an older brother would have made his life so different from what it was? How could he explain that he wanted to think of himself instead of doing his duty? So, he spoke about knowing dharma better than them and that the life of an ascetic was the best kind to live.

“I’ve learned more than you, my brothers. As the son of Dharma, I know which dharma to follow.”

“Yudhistira, you may be the son of Dharma, but you are really wise if you consider yourself a know-it-all? Is that how your father would want you to be?” Krishna asked.

Yudhistira said nothing. If he revealed he didn’t want to be the responsible one all the time, it would hurt them. What if they thought he didn’t want them or that he resented them? It was better this way, he decided.

“Please, Bhima or Nakula. You are both capable. Both of you can rule better than I. You take the throne and let me atone for my sins.”

Draupadi glared as she spoke. “If your brothers loved you any less, they would do it. But you know they won’t. Because of you, we will have to live a life of cowardice and misery, away from everyone and ignoring our duty to the citizens. When Maa said I should marry all of you, she promised you would treat me well; that I would never face a single difficulty or shed a tear. What did I get, Maharaja? Insult, abuse, and death of my children. I bore everything. Why? So that you can throw it away and ignore your responsibilities?”

“What would you have done if you had to be Karna’s wife, too?” Yudhistira blurted.

He could see the range of emotions on Draupadi’s face — shock, anger, disgust, and hatred.

“Yudhi!” His mother protested, though it sounded like even she wanted to know the answer.

“You and your brothers would have lost a wife,” Draupadi replied, her voice devoid of emotion. “I don’t know as much dharma as you know, Maharaja. But I have enough self-respect to not dream about marrying a man who saw me as nothing more than flesh to conquer and exploit.”

When she stalked off, Bhima and Arjuna followed, trying to calm her anger.

“Yudhistira. Enough of these discussions. There’s no point in talking about possibilities. Accept the situation for what it is. Become the king of Hastinapura and revive the kingdom.” Krishna ordered.

“But…”

“I know how you feel, son. Perform the Ashwamedha yagna to atone for your sins and to invite prosperity to the land. We are with you. You aren’t alone; you never were.” Vyasa said in a gentle tone.

Yudhistira gave up protesting and agreed.

***

“Woof! Woof!”

Yudhistira looked up and saw three vague yet familiar forms walking toward him in the sunlight. He sighed, leaning against the muddy wall of the hut.

It was time he stopped wondering about the past and possibilities. When he was too deep in guilt and hurt, he thought he would rather have Karna in his life than be the older brother of four siblings. However, Yudhistira realized things were this way for a reason. His brothers and Draupadi loved him, despite some of his decisions. They stood by him; not because it was their duty, but because they loved him. He might miss not having the connection to Karna, but he wouldn’t trade his existing family for the unknown.

“Find what you like?” He asked, smiling.

“Elder brother, Maharani has picked the best spot,” Bhima replied as Draupadi laughed.

“Why am I not surprised?” Yudhistira teased her as she sank onto the ground beside him.

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