Xenial no More, this Earth

Check the theme here: Pandava Mahaprasthana

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They still had a long way to go to reach the snowy mountaintop. Atop Mount Kailasa was the celestial gateway to swarga. Of course, the celestial gateway didn’t grant entry to everyone who reached the top. Bhima knew Yudhistira would get a grand welcome. His brother deserved it, even if Bhima hadn’t agreed with some of his decisions. However, like his younger brothers, he wasn’t eager to enter swarga in his mortal body. He still hadn’t seen the reason for it.

Draupadi’s death ten days ago confirmed his opinions. He, too, would breathe his last on the earth and go to swarga or naraka, like every other being. Bhima didn’t mind it either way. If the devas thought he had done things that deserved punishment, he would face it. Life had enough complications without adding more to the mix.

“Bhima…” Arjuna called from behind him. “I’ve decided.”

“Me too,” Bhima replied. He tilted his head to see Nakula and Sahadeva walking together, their heads bent as if they were discussing secrets. The dog walked beside Sahadeva, contributing to the conversation with a random bark. It surprised Bhima that the four-legged being adapted to the cold conditions and climbed Kailasa with them.

They walked for a while until Yudhistira declared it was time to rest. Opening the cloth bags, each of them took out a handful of dried berries and savored the flavors in silence. Without Draupadi, there wasn’t much to talk about, anyway. None of them had smiled in those ten days. They had no reason to. Who would laugh at their antics and give a witty reply?

Bhima drank a few mouthfuls of water and went to the side to relieve his bladder. When he returned, he saw his brothers scattered around. Yudhistira was staring at the top of the mountain. Arjuna stood towards the edge, looking into space with vacant eyes. Nakula was shaping a pile of snow into something. Sahadeva was lying on the snow, uncaring that the cold would turn him blue. The dog sat beside the youngest twin, nudging him once in a while with its nose.

“What is it?” Bhima asked Nakula.

“Guess, Elder brother.”

Bhima observed the rough shape and felt tears blur his vision. “Maharani…”

Nakula nodded. “Yes. This snow is perfect to hold its shape for a while. We’ll carry this as far as we go. Too bad we can’t take it when we leave the earth.”

“I miss her too!” Bhima sighed as he sat beside his brother.

Arjuna walked toward them and sat nearby. “You spent all the years with her. I was the one who left twice.”

“Well, the second parting was necessary.” Sahadeva reminded him, still lying in the snow.

“I know.”

Nakula tsked as he looked at his twin. “Get up, little brother. You’ll turn bluer than Krishna otherwise.”

“Krishna… Krishnaa is also with him up there.” Sahadeva murmured. “I want to go too.”

“Wait for a while,” Bhima insisted. He didn’t think he could bear to lose another loved one so soon.

Sahadeva shook his head. “No. I’ve decided. It’ll be today.”

“Stop it!” Arjuna snapped.

“No!”

“At least wait until I finish this,” Nakula said, his hands sculpting the packed snow into Draupadi’s features.

“Of course! How can I leave without seeing Draupadi one last time?” Sahadeva grinned. Bhima wanted to smack sense into his brother’s head, but didn’t move. Hadn’t he felt the same about life?

“Why do you want to go first?” Arjuna asked. “I should be the one to catch up with those missing years.”

Sahadeva laughed and threw a handful of snow at Arjuna. “Because I’m her favorite husband!”

It was Bhima’s turn to laugh. “No, you weren’t. I was!”

Nakula poked him in the arm. “Wrong. I was! She liked you only for your cooking.”

“I kept her fed. Left to her own, she would have lived on those treaties and account books. You should thank me for it.” Bhima retorted.

“How she managed the kingdoms—first Indraprastha and then Hastinapura! No king I met was half as efficient.” Arjuna murmured, wiping the tears that escaped his eyes.

“Why do you think she was that good? Because I prepared her favorite dishes every day and fed her without fail.” Bhima replied, trying hard not to cry.

It wasn’t even strange that Draupadi was the only topic they wanted to discuss. She had entered their lives when they were in hiding and at their lowest. Soon, they flourished, and her role in their success was invaluable. Bhima knew without a doubt that Indraprastha wouldn’t have been a sparkling new city if Draupadi hadn’t been involved. The years they spent in their kingdom were the best, despite a few niggles. She let nothing come between the brothers and herself, not even their own insecurities.

They may have been a unit, but marrying the same woman stirred many emotions. Bhima wasn’t sure if she would even want to be with him. He wasn’t classically handsome like his brothers, who had young girls fawning over them. Most girls who liked him admitted they were also frightened of his height and bulk. After all, the first woman to fall in love with Bhima was a rakshasi, someone as tall and broad as him. Compared to her, Draupadi was like a twig. Bhima could span her waist with his hand. He had been terrified of hurting her by accident. What if he hugged her a bit too tight and she got bruised?

However, Draupadi wasn’t the one to be skittish.

“You are the only one among your brothers who can carry me throughout the kingdom and not break into a sweat. Why would I want you to be smaller or thinner?” She had asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Bhima promised to be her palanquin, though she was the one who took care of him, rather than the other way around. Sure, he might have saved her from those monsters, but he was partly responsible for exposing her to danger.

Even when they were struggling to get enough food during their exile, Draupadi made sure Bhima had his share. He wanted to cut down, but she wouldn’t let him.

“None of my husbands will starve or sleep hungry. Do you understand?” She demanded.

“What about you?” He asked.

“I’m eating too. I know I need to be strong. You aren’t being fed at my cost. Now eat!”

And so, he ate whatever she served him. Now, his brothers have taken over the responsibility. Bhima noticed how they took turns to ensure he wasn’t hungry. Except that he really wasn’t hungry. He still loved food, but without Draupadi, everything choked him. He couldn’t swallow even a berry without his throat closing and suffocating him.

“Oh, Bhima, look at this!” Arjuna tugged his arm.

Bhima turned to see the snow sculpture Nakula made. It had the same large eyes, straight nose, and full lips with a slight upward tilt as if amused by an inside joke.

“Maharani…” He whispered.

Yudhistira came to see the sculpture and sank to sit beside them. “Just like her… divine and mesmerizing.”

Bhima lost track of time as they sat staring at Draupadi’s sculpture.

“Woof! Woof!!” The dog’s urgent barks snapped them to reality.

“Sahadeva…” Arjuna gasped as he scrambled the short distance to reach Sahadeva, who was moaning and groaning in the snow. “Idiot! I told you to stop this.”

“He… is burning! Wake up, you… you…!” Nakula grabbed Sahadeva’s shoulders and shook him hard.

Bhima and Yudhistira too circled their youngest brother to see that he was almost gone.

“So you had it your way.” He muttered. Turning to Yudhistira, he asked. “Why do you think Sahadeva fell now before reaching the top?”

Yudhistira didn’t reply for a few seconds. Then he cleared his throat and said. “Sahadeva was too proud of his knowledge and thought he was the only one who knew so much about healing and astrology. His pride prevented him from climbing to the crest of Kailasa.”

A broken chuckle escaped Sahadeva’s lips. He didn’t open his eyes, but whispered. “What use is all that knowledge if I don’t flaunt it!”

They laughed as he wanted them to ignore the tears that had become a part of their lives.

“I’ll… tell Draupadi… about her…”

Bhima hugged his brother’s lifeless body and sobbed. One brother less from his life on the earth.

***

“Not you too, Nakula!” Bhima cried four days after Sahadeva’s death.

They climbed the mountain in a daze, as if a puppeteer was tugging the strings. The four of them took turns carrying the little sculpture with them. Arjuna wanted to make one for Sahadeva, but Nakula said no.

“He didn’t want it. Neither do I.”

Still, Arjuna carried Sahadeva’s arm bracelet with him. He had Draupadi’s anklet and the peacock feather she tucked into her saree at the waist.

“What of mine will you carry?” Nakula asked Arjuna.

Bhima wanted to smack his brother, but controlled himself. Nakula hadn’t just lost a brother. He lost a part of himself. Sahadeva was half of him, and his death had drained Nakula’s zeal to live.

“I’ll cut a lock of your hair,” Arjuna replied.

When Nakula fell, gasping for breath, he smiled and gripped Arjuna’s hand. “Cut it now. I don’t want you to forget.”

Bhima held Nakula in one arm and Draupadi’s snow sculpture in the other as Arjuna removed an arrow tip from his cloth bag. Yudhistira hovered, his trembling hand resting on Nakula’s thigh. The dog stood to the side, looking at them with solemn eyes.

“Done… See, I’m wrapping your hair around the bracelet and anklet.”

“Good…” Nakula wheezed. He looked at Bhima and gestured toward Yudhistira.

Bhima swallowed his tears and asked in a hoarse voice. “Elder brother, why do you think Nakula fell before reaching the top?”

Yudhistira shook his head and sobbed.

“Please…” Nakula panted.

“Because he was too proud of his features and thought he was the most handsome man alive,” Yudhistira said at last.

“But I am!” Nakula whispered.

Bhima could see it was an effort. He felt the erratic heartbeat under his fingers. “Yes, you are. Rest now.”

Nakula closed his eyes with the same smile, lighting up his now passive features.

***

Bhima dreaded the dawn of each day. He hoped to fall before Arjuna, but Kala had other plans. Less than a week later, Arjuna didn’t get up when they sat to have their meal of dried berries. He remained frozen in his spot, resting against a rock. Draupadi’s sculpture and the keepsakes he collected lay beside him.

“Arjuna!!” Bhima cried, frantic as he checked for a pulse. When Bhima found a faint beat, he shook his brother.

Arjuna’s eyes snapped open. “Bhima… stop…” he groaned.

The dog woofed. Yudhistira stood behind Bhima, staring into space.

“Ask…”

Bhima tugged Yudhistira’s dhoti to get his attention. “Why do you think Arjuna fell before he could reach the summit, elder brother?”

Yudhistira sank to his knees as he brushed Arjuna’s grey curls from his wide forehead. “Because he boasted he could wipe out an entire army in a day, but he didn’t.”

Arjuna let out a broken chuckle. “But I did… the niva… nivatakavachas… underwater…”

“Yes, you did, Arjuna. You are the best warrior I’ve seen.” Bhima replied. “What should I save of yours?”

“Draupadi…”

Bhima continued to hold Arjuna’s body until Yudhistira wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

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